Leading Advisor Financial Advisor Coaching

I Am Not Speaking At Events Right Now And My Little “i” Is Feeling Nervous

Simon Reilly | November 15, 2017 | Filed: Unmet Needs

 never let fear decide your future

I have some extra space in my speaking calendar right now, which is unusual for this time of year.

We are taking advantage of this time by investing our resources into refining our financial conference exhibiting, digital marketing and prospecting contacts process in advance of 2018 exhibits that include; FPA, GAMA, NAIFA and WIFS.

The following is a recap of a coaching conversation that I had with my coach last week.

My little “i” is feeling nervous because; who is my little “i” or who am “i” in the absence of speaking?

While I love the day-to-day coaching, and running of the business, my little “i” (what you might remember as being governed by the amygdala, that walnut-sized part of the brain also known as the ego or limbic or emotional brain, what Seth Godin calls the lizard brain) seems to be wanting to run the show these past few weeks.

They say that one of people’s greatest fears is public speaking. Public speaking is well within my comfort zone. Investing energy, hours, tens of thousands of dollars to develop an exhibiting, digital marketing and prospecting contacts process and hiring people to support this, is new to me. As all of us expand our comfort zones through a variety of different things, the amygdala is at the edge of our comfort zone, questioning our worth. The amygdala doesn’t know what it wants but it is always wanting, and it is always judging, and it is never ever satisfied.

My amygdala is making me question myself, wondering things like, “Will the people we are connecting with through the exhibiting, digital marketing and prospecting still want to engage with us even though they have not seen me speak?”

The problem with this way of thinking is: when we are thinking with that judgmental amygdala, we will not join and engage fully with our brothers or sisters when we have the chance because our confidence and our ability to connect will be eroded by that judgment. When we allow our amygdala to create a disconnect between our brothers and sisters, and ourselves, we do not experience our true selves.

Instead of asking myself those questions that are rooted in anxiety and self-doubt, I could instead ask something like, “how do I feel in advance of talking with a brother or sister? What negative emotions and negative beliefs do I need to clear?”

If there are negative emotions and beliefs I need to clear, and I have been gifted with the time to work on those things before I engage with others, then I am blessed. That amygdala is often telling us exactly what negative emotions and negative beliefs we need to clear, by the very thing it is judging.

Am I using the true purpose of the Ego’s purpose?

I sometimes think we can see our judgmental amygdala as a negative, but it really has a purpose. Maybe it’s time to ask ourselves if we are trying to get our worth met from others, which is a mistake in perception. My true purpose, for example, is to hold the space of seeing the truth in our brother or sister and to help them remember the truth about who they really are. In the process, we remember who we really are.

I am here to heal myself, and when I do this, all minds are healed.

This was always a big one for me, and society teaches us that there are people, places, and things that will heal us, that will fulfill what is missing inside of us if we just align ourselves with the “right” people, places and things.

But the fact is, everything you need to heal yourself is inside of you at this very moment, and you were born with it.

I thank God I can be here now, and I invite The Holy Spirit in to show me the way. We have no needs, as our salvation is guaranteed. It is impossible to fulfill basic needs like approval, control, power, recognition, safety, and worthiness from people, places and things that are outside of ourselves.

Maybe the reason I am not speaking as much right now is that it is my turn to listen.

My only job is to listen and remind the brother or sister that I am speaking with about who they are.

Also, it doesn’t matter what we think the outcome of our experience is if we are grounded in our own truth.

It doesn’t matter if they saw me speak. We have nothing to prove.

Leading Advisor is an experience, a laboratory, a landscape for us to grow, including our team of people who works with us and me!

Everything that happens is an experience to grow.

Holy Spirit, use my ears, eyes, heart, words to help me serve my brother or sister. It is all perfect.

Whatever happens, happens for the good.

So, if you are feeling like your “i” is trying to run the show, certainly stop and listen to the messages your amygdala is giving you, but remember that you are something so much more significant than this walnut-sized lizard brain, and you can clear whatever it is you need to clear towards becoming your true self.


About Simon Reilly

Simon Reilly Simon Reilly is a Financial Advisor Coach, Professional Speaker and Author who has provided training for financial advisors for over 20 years.

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Simon Reilly has written 2510 posts on his blog.


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